weak signal

Compiled all the 'pick-up lines' I wrote into one post.  Or at least I think I wrangled them all up.

Most likely won't do any more.  Feel like i'm gonna die in the near future anyways.  Moods fluctuate though.

 *****

PICK-UP LINES FOR SAD-FACED, PERVERTED GIRLS OR THE OCCASIONAL HORNY GRANDMA.

Pick-up line where I sneak up while you're asleep and pour rubbing alcohol in your asshole.

Pick-up line consisting of saying, 'there's some really interesting women in the world but you're not one of them.'

Pick-up line consisting of serenading someone with an acoustic guitar after pushing them down a flight of stairs.

Pick-up line where I walk up from behind as you're applying make-up in a mirror, then wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze so both of us can watch you go unconscious.

Pick-up line consisting of dropping your jaw and saying, 'jesus... you have the tits of an obese woman.'

Pick-up line consisting of saying, 'what the fuck do you know bout that big kanaka.'

Pick-up line consisting of not showering for a week, then pressing my ballsack on your sleeping forehead and gingerly shimmying hips side to side.

Pick-up line consisting of posting a piece of paper in a parking garage that says 'panties found.  please call (phone number)'.

Pick-up line consisting of asking 'so, which parent do you live with?'

Pick-up line consisting of murdering someone in the vacant parking lot behind their eyes.

Pick-up line consisting of saying, 'you need to be used like a butter dish.'

Pick-up line consisting of rubbing your chest with a hand while silently staring at someone like you're getting ready to methodically dig each of their organs out with a dull butcher's knife.

Pick-up line consisting of a disapproving half-smirk, lightly shaking the head 'no', then saying, 'I don't like you.'

Pick-up line consisting of handing someone a box of kleenex and saying, 'hey, hi, you're gonna need these.'

Pick-up line consisting of intensely staring at someone, then pointing a thumb at their face and saying, 'I got a guy in beverly hills who can fix that.'

Pick-up line consisting of making an 'okay' sign with a hand and pointing the index finger of the other hand very close to a woman's pussy, then exclaiming in a terrible italian-american accent, 'now, that's a spicy meatball!'

Pick-up line consisting of turning to a woman sitting alone and asking, 'hey, lady, do spiders poop?'

Pick-up line where you write 'deserving' with mauve lipstick across your breasts then kneel behind an alley dumpster.

Pick-up line consisting of holding someone down against their will and shaving them bald.

Pick-up line consisting of telling someone 'lady, you sure are beautiful!  let's  leave right now, get married and love each other forever.  But first, I gotta stop by my storage space and defrost the deep freezer.  It won't take long.  Promise.'

Pick-up line consisting of telling someone they have 'the face of a dead prostitute.'

Pick-up line consisting of dressing in a top hat and cape, driving a rolls royce next to a woman, rolling the window down, staring directly at their ass, pausing, then saying, 'excuse me, majestic beast, might you have any grey poupon?'

Pick-up line consisting of turning towards a passing stranger and saying, 'I can handle your generic love.'

Pick-up line consisting of saying, 'I just want to make you sad.'

Pick-up line consisting of casually announcing to an elderly woman, 'I'd love to face fuck you with a dull knife.'

Pick-up line consisting of 'hi-ya' kicking the car keys from someone's hand, then performing a double-bicep flex while making a constipation face.

Pick-up line where I watch you suck my dick behind a dumpster at In-N-Out.

Pick-up line consisting of aggressively squeezing a pair of tits with both hands, then shaking your head slowly and muttering, 'they just don't make these things like they used to.'

Pick-up line consisting of sitting next to someone at Planned Parenthood, then turning to them and saying, 'your face is cute enough for brute force trauma.'

Pick-up line consisting of pushing you off a bridge, then playfully waving goodbye to your startled facial expression.

Pick-up line where I unbuckle my belt while telling you to just keep crying.

Pick-up line where I push you under the redline during rush hour so every dickhead working a soul crushing nine-to-five job can have something new to talk about on facebook.

Pick-up line where I ask your astronomical sign then blast you in the face with a cup of soiled kitty litter.

Pick-up line where I hand you a drawn treasure map leading to the city morgue.

Pick-up line where I fondle your breast without asking while putting my lips near your ear and whispering, 'don't you want me to like you.'

Pick-up line consisting of wandering a Cemetery while wearing a tshirt that says 'I WANT TO PISS ON YOUR SAD LITTLE FACE.'

Pick-up line where I leave a note on your corpse that says 'CALL ME.'

Pick-up line where I throw a severed penis at your face while you're contemplating the perfect sauce combination for a 50pc mcnugget.

Pick-up line consisting of holding a woman in place by palming the back of her skull into a wall, then sliding a free hand under the elastic waistband of their mom jeans and roughly fingerfucking for the next 45minutes.

Pick-up line consisting of smoking cigarettes by the door of an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting while wearing a t-shirt that says 'I'M THE DADDY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.'

Pick-up line where I point at the ground, then uppercut your face as you look down.

Pick-up line where I shake my head "no," then walk away.

Pick-up line consisting of saying, 'hey, hey, girl, you got a body that belongs in a coffin.'