Revolutionary marketing gimmick where a business does *whatever* better than anyone else.

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Horrific death sentence for any person purchasing/using a robotic vacuum

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Anti top-knot campaign consisting of hanging out where twenty-somethings congregate and screaming 'grow out yer hair,  ya pussies!'

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First date consisting of inserting a remote control vibrator into a girl's pussy, then visiting the museum of death and raising the intensity level every time she witnesses something affecting.

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First date consisting of visiting a cemetery and ass fucking the girl on her dead parents' grave.

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someone

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Holographic counter above my head that keeps track of the number of times I think 'what a fucking pussy'

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Feeling spiritually aligned with a broken crowbar.

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Suicide note consisting of the single line 'made it to the last level;  the boss won.'

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The only holidays worth celebrating are 'pussy' and 'vagina'

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The 'valley' is just one big fucking 7-11, man.

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Trait of the current generation to internalize rejection as if it was a bite from a brown recluse.

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Romance like a disfigured tree.

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Staring into the black depth of a garbage disposal and thinking 'mom'.

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Standing on a beach shore and feeling spiritually connected to a receding wave.

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Depression like a cheerful cancer.

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Fucking a 'target' employee seems more prestigious than a stripper.

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If women didn't have personalities, I'd like every one of them.

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The terrified confusion that occurs when manipulative flattery isn't effective.

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Airbag that explodes from the chest whenever someone attempts to talk to you.

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AWP panel consisting of my sybian and a whole lot of sexually frustrated frumps.

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Life like a tiny wrecking ball speeding towards a much larger wrecking ball.

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Depression like a banjo solo rising out of an ant hill.

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Complete disdain for any beard that isn't a third down-turned thumb.

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Current trend in popular music to use effeminate yodelling in place of musical ability, lyrics, or substance.

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Taco truck that only serves tortilla-wrapped down-turned thumbs.

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Strong urge to ask any man with a 'top knot' if it improved his dick sucking game.

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Depression like a disembodied head blowing kisses into a mirror.

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Online dating bio that simply says 'old enough to remember that black people used to be cool.'

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Shaking your fist at your chest and loudly thinking, 'god damn dead heart'.

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Any of you awp suckerfish want some sunshine while visiting my esteemed city, hit a scumbag up: jdean33442@gmail.com

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Dying as a means to stop obsessing about death.

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Electronic device that detects passive-aggressive remarks and plays a sound wave of a crying baby.

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Standing on the beach and looking toward the ocean,  and thinking 'almost there.'

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Early morning sunlight spilling through the blinds and illuminating two fingers on a hand and for a moment you think you've finally found something terrifying and new, as if you were young again.

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Realizing my desire is greatly focused on hips, armpits, and sadness.

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Strong urge to wear a tshirt that says 'for every 18yo I fuck, my ex-wife dies a little' during mall visits.

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Handshake consisting of clasping hands and forming a collective fist, then uppercutting the other person unconscious.

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