Wearing 'uggs' is like having an invisible megaphone screaming out 'unkempt pussy.'

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'Easy Money' is a beautiful masterpiece.

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Alienating the world, one cashier at a time.

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An effective way to alienate another male is by flirting with him and meaning it.

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When I die, throw my corpse in the nearest trash can and spend the funeral money on roulette, bubbles, and acts of sexual deviance.

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Progressing towards a point in culture where there's a complete loss of awareness for the delineation between abstract posturing and concrete consequence.

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Long and complicated fantasies of destroying the sun with your hands.

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Good chance i'd feel less hateful towards christmas if people stopped being obnoxious cunts about it.

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Hollywood reboot of 'a christmas carol' with james franco playing hipster scrooge and 3 scottish lads from the slums clubbing him into a coma with broken table legs.

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Strongly recommend watching 'lawler vs hendricks 2' today.

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Humiliating fortune cookie that reads, 'oink-oink.'

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Chest tattoo that says, 'life is beautiful?'

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Think a good saying before punching a bitchmade punk in the face would be, 'I'm 'bout to go from zero to voltron.'

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When a dog likes you more than its owner.

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Always comforting to know, no matter how far you travel from your previous self, the overwhelming feeling of crying depression can find you again.

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Save money this christmas, decorate a nude woman instead of a tree.

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Just now realizing 'play-doh' is the creation of a sexually frustrated guy who didn't have access to boobs.

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The specter of love.

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New level of hopelessness reached after walking into a 'walgreen's' on thanksgiving day and witnessing people meandering throughout the store without any direction or purpose, just mouth breathing and almost shopping.

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Much love to the children out there enduring horrific monsters with faces much like their own while everyone else celebrates gratitude for a life of unlabored breaths.

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Wave of exhaustion that follows a moment of confusion after hearing a faint screaming and not feeling confident it originated outside of your mind.

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There's nothing in my heart but space.

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Scumbag crossroads when two bikini-clad 15-year-old girls--one asian, one white--chat you up and emit a strong 'threesome' vibe.

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Calypso music is the mating call of coddled, out-of-touch white people above the age of forty.

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Alternate reality where hymens are tinfoil.

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You know an 8-year-old is on the fast track to being a fully actualized asshole when he's dressed in a tiny hawaiian shirt and khakis.

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Privileged toddlers are always the whiniest.

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People asserting life as a 'journey' while their greatest tribulation to date was overcoming the horrid taste of a pumpkin spice latte without nutmeg sprinkles.

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Time of year when people become overwhelmingly excited about arcane foods and gratuitous mall visits while I'm at home persuading myself to believe that organ failure isn't so horrible.

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Props to the pervert that found this blog by searching 'witheredpussy', which I read in the cigarette-ruined, whispering voice from the game show 'password.'

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People who own perfectly manicured lawns but have never felt soft grass underneath their bare feet.

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People who quote Nietzsche but haven't read any of his books.

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A steel collar and ballerina shoes; nothing else.

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An efficient way to alienate people is wearing mirror-coated sunglasses and staying reticent.

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People who believe they're the 'sum total' of the relationships they keep.

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Increasing trend for effeminate, chubby males to discuss 'relationships' in a hyper, rapid fire tempo with a female confidant while dining in public.

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People who use the phrase 'hip little place' to describe a business.

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Watched a toddler blankly stare at a discarded 'super big gulp' cup that had been yellowed by the sun and ran over with a car tire, then thought, 'yeah...'

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Alternate reality where I can purchase/eat healthy food without crossing over into a bizarre world of trust fund hippies, faux spirituality, healing pyramids, mystical salts and unfashionable hats.

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Geraldo-style expose on why lesbians look so much older than their age.

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Attending a live sporting event to reaffirm your misanthropy and desire for a catastrophic end to human beings.

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People who use the phrase 'dear friend' to describe another human being.

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Pick-up line that's near extinction: 'wow, you... actually have a personality.'

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People who've taken public transportation once and reflect on the experience as the most dangerous event of their life.

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Porno movie consisting of a naked ballerina dancing in the palm of my hand.

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Alternate reality where 'hot pockets' are filled with marinara sauce and the depressive thoughts of alienated girls.

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Watching the spinning tires of a passing semi-truck and thinking, 'seems restful there.'

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Waking from a nap with an intense desire to cum on a woman's endearing face.

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'sadistic kindness'

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Children's book named 'everything sucks, then you're not alive anymore' consisting of a single illustration depicting the sun setting behind an unmoving ocean; with a dedication to untied shoelaces.

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Watched a grapefruit-sized full moon rise over the la river tonight and it was more beautiful than any face I've seen.

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Really excited for the upcoming 'minions' movie.

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When a couple sits next to you at a restaurant/cafe and the man gossips more fervently than the woman.

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That magical day of the year when someone gets shot on hollywood blvd.

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In 2007, I was on unemployment, hadn't taken a hot shower in over a year, temporarily quit opiates and felt hopeless.  I bought books from internet authors and gave them away because I believed in the power of words to keep a human alive during bleak and agonizing circumstances.

It's almost 2015, now I receive a government stipend of a different nature and battle with hopelessness.  I still believe in the power of words; but not all words.

If being alive feels like running a marathon in death valley with a knife wound in your back,

or,

if the voice in your head is your only friend, worst enemy and part-time lover,

or,

 if you have a deep understanding/appreciation of spiders and an intense distrust of human beings,

then, hey, alienated shithead, this post is for you!

I'm buying 3 copies of 'the collected suicide notes of sam pink' and gifting them to doomed creatures.  All I ask in return is a show of effort.  Email me a pic of you making a 'thumbs down.'  There are no other modifiers.  Just that.  And if you don't have access to a camera or are too stricken with anxiety/depression/self-deprecation/dope sickness/whatever to take a pic, then let me know in an email.

I'll do my best to honor any international addresses, however, if shipping is insane I may rescind my pledge.

Here's an example of a 'thumbs down':


Want to make it clear, if you don't meet the guidelines stated above, but send me an email, I recognize that you recognize you're a selfish, worthless cunt.  And when death comes you'll finally know your entire existence as a shit weasel failed to prepare you for what we're all heading towards, which is when you'll understand genuine terror and loneliness.

I earnestly hope anyone participating and not adhering to the guidelines is stricken with brain cancer and departs this world in severe confusion and pain.

-jdean33442@gmail.com

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Dear Something of an Unknown Name,

Could you please use your cosmic magic to intersect my life with a twenty-something (or two) that'll help me feel less hopeless about our shared existence.   This isn't entirely about me.  Like, it doesn't even have to be direct contact.  Just could use a hint if I should cash in or keep fighting to breathe.

Respectfully,

The dramatic guy who's never asked for anything until now.

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Act of humiliation consisting of suspending a naked body from the ceiling of a room lined with mirrors, then playing a looping laugh track.

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Show me the death star of your heart.

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Alternate reality where flowers grow out of toilet bowls.

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Game show called 'who's whine is it anyways?' where 5 twenty-somethings improvise passive-aggressive complaints chosen by audience members and assigned point values based on 'pissy-ness', 'manipulative forte' and 'poor me factor', the winner being awarded with a $5 napster gift card and any title from an alt lit author.

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