The intense hostility felt after seeing any television commercial.

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Catharsis that comes from instinctively crushing a plastic bag with your hand.

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Death is the loneliest voyeur.

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Whispering the words 'you won' at a dead squirrel.

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New game called 'what stupid shit can I turn into a sex toy' that's played in museum gift shops.

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Find it easier to respect a pomeranian with a bowl cut than any man with a groomed beard.

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This short story by Sam Pink made me feel less alone.  Not just a little, but, like, momentarily completely un-alone.

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Man's emasculation of death in 'civilized' society while enacting a brutal amount of death to anything/everything that isn't man.

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Titanic-like depression that comes after realizing 100 years from now a prius will be regarded as an aggressive vehicle.

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Laying in bed, stroking chest/belly hair, staring at the ceiling, pretending you don't hate everyone.

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Just what the fuck are you so proud of.

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Depression like a yuppie haircut.

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Current cultural trend of emasculating once powerful icons like dragons, sports cars, and loneliness.

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Love is completely excluded from marriage...

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Aggression like a sparrow eating the eyes out of a dead cat.

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Catering your funeral with the ice cream man.

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Super power that allows you to communicate to ducks with your asshole.

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The pathetic bewilderment that occurs when someone interacts with a group of people not identified by a shared aesthetic/ideology.

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Life like an all-you-can eat chinese buffet that only stocks water chestnuts.

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Intelligence is the mouth breathing cousin of imagination.

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Yuppie swagger can best be described as 'confidently confused.'

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The near erotic experience that's found by inhaling the fragrance of frying chorizo from an unseen kitchen on a cold winter day.

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Intense alienation that comes from observing a group of people over a long period of time and realizing there's no laughter, only gossip and bragging.

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Love like a malfunctioning venus fly trap.

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Depression like a drowned honey bee trapped in a pool filter.

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A bullshit person just like everyone else.

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A gulag state of mind and a heart which never stops dreaming for the sunshine of a russian winter.

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Failure as a way of identifying your reality.

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Sleeping behind the fridge; an odyssey.

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Always keeping one pocket filled with confetti/glitter in preparation for a moment in your life truly worth celebrating.

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Screaming 'food fight' during inappropriate times like funerals, orgies, and already established food fights.

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Appreciating flowers only when the sky is gloomy.

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Existential despair like a censored NWA album.

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Pick-up line consisting of circling the point of a knife around a belly button while ear-whispering 'what's your sign, little girl?'

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I'm a handful of questions away from the 1k goal on ask.fm.  If you have anything substantial to ask, now's the time, motherfuckers.  Otherwise, I'm just going to pick random mouthbreather shit to answer and be done with it.

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The naked aggression that blossoms every time I hear a white person refer to their circle of friends as a 'tribe.'

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Existential despair like the bottomless breadsticks at olive garden.

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Happiness like a mall photobooth.

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Moment of defining alienation when a person points at your mustache/beard and asks, 'how do you keep that thing clean?'

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Thoughts and ideas replaced by unending heaviness.

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Almost dying in a car accident and immediately thinking 'damn, next time!'

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Standing underneath a tree during a rain storm and envisioning your disembodied head floating slowly through the black universe.

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Overwhelming alienation that happens more intensely while alone, then when in the shadow of another.

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Feeling the most lonely while in the company of a parent.

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The unsolved mystery of why dogs have huge mouths and tiny assholes.

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Bouquet of daisies with a card that says 'you fucking suck'.

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Life like fish farts in an chinese restaurant aquarium.

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Much love to the person that provided an example of unconditional love for me to learn by.  Without you, I'd have never made it this far or this strong.

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Plucking a blown kiss from the air, clutching it against your heart, then frantically running underneath the moving wheels of a freightliner.

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'Wearing birkenstalks and walking blindly down the rainy street clutching 225$ worth of foreign porn wrapped in a flimsy see-through trash bag: a memoir. '

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Using the ceiling like a blanket and sleeping through the loneliness.

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Having just enough remaining intelligence to realize how intelligent you used to be.

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Seeing a pair of shoes hanging from a power line and thinking, 'if only I could get my neck up there.'

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A superhero like immunity to jealousy that's tied to the belief that every person would ultimately be better without you.

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The body as a suit of armor, but instead of protecting you, it just laughs.

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Flying a kite by attaching a string around your torso and jumping off a roof.

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The days when you ditched school to avoid bullies and wandered to unknown parts of the city, then as an adult, realizing those are the only days worth remembering.

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Being productive only during times of intense sadness.

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Life like a probation officer fingering his nostril on a monday afternoon.

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Never feeling accomplished by anything except the few times stuffed animals were rescued with a motorized claw.

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Speeding into a tunnel with the hope that you'll never exit out.

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Death like a 1970's microwave cookbook from betty crocker.

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Life like a cockroach choking to death on the dead skin of a freshly exfoliated foot.

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The mental battle that comes whenever a knife is picked up and the strong urge to plunge it into your soft throat materializes.

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Boomerang beheadings are making a comeback.

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Stock reply for anyone being bombastic or excited where I grin wildly and say 'I'm happy you're happy for your meaningless achievement.'

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The weightless feeling that comes after an intense wave of sadness breaks.

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The completely justified hatred of bank tellers.

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