'Laundromat' is just a fancy synonym for 'orgy'.

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Comprising your identity by which retail clothing store is frequented at the mall.

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Depression like a police helicopter circling over your head.

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Fantasy consisting of a greased floor, three naked and bound women, a hot dog suspended 4 feet from the ground, and a competition to see who can be the first to eat it.

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Fantasy consisting of listening to a woman cry over the phone while getting my dick sucked.

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Fantasy consisting of me backstroking in an olympic-sized pool of filthy panties.

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The insurmountably comical question 'how long did it take to grow your beard?'

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The final level of 'who is you' consisting of muttering, fist clenching, and eye snarling at anything dumb enough to make the mistake of entering your reality, even women, children, chickens, candy wrappers, fire hydrants or the sun.

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No matter how close you get to a person, always the feeling of unending distance.

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Fantasy consisting of mummifying an unconscious woman with 'fruit-by-the-foot.'

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Gravestone that says 'fuck you {name of ex-wife}'

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Being critical of the grammar of other human beings, while wholeheartedly accepting the near destruction of language by corporate marketing departments and manipulative shit weasels emulating such strategies.

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Modified heat-seeking missile that homes in on people using the term 'wheelhouse'.

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Future museum exhibit of a scrotum in a glass jar on top of a marble pillar.

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Some days a person desperately needs to see a pair of tits to part the cloud of depression and walk through to another morning.

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The mythology of the zombie is that of a mindless consumer, which is why so many americans identify with it.

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I encourage others to read this blog.

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Alternate reality where people have the courage to own their self-imposed bullshit.

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Fantasy consisting of mercilessly whipping a woman with licorice rope, then force feeding it to her weeping face

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Read Sam Pink's blog and felt happy that someone 'gets' it, then immediately felt depressed over almost nobody else 'getting' it.

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I'm a quivering cunt hair away from reaching my ask.fm goal of 1k questions.  There are a lot of nonsensical, cutesy, egotistical bullshit queued up.  So, if any of you quiet fuckheads actually have a question for me, now's the time to do it.

I don't imagine myself doing anonymous interactions again.

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Always, the stupid.

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Current fantasy is to spank the shit out of a woman's ass while the theme song to ducktales plays over and over.

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Engaging in cliche actions to celebrate a completely fictitious, corporate-sponsored 'holiday' to appease the lady in your life, then finding your balls and suiciding out of remorse.

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That immensely pathetic and needy energy of older blonde women.

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Soleil Moon Frye in Teen Win, Lose or Draw.

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A constant state of disconnection that's magnified whenever a person tries to abstain from the behavior that alienates themselves/others.

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Envisioning a two-by-four obliterating the face of any human being using fake, overtly dramatic enthusiasm.

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Just when you think there's nothing left to see, a girl in a corset gets her mouth sutured shut.

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Building a time machine to travel back to the 90's so I can perform sexual acts of degradation with the members of wilson phillips.

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Alternate reality where people have dignity and abstain from perpetuating moronic bullshit on twitter tomorrow.

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Temporary loss of reality after witnessing a man in a pleated khaki kilt buying groceries.

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Those days when you wake up feeling hopeless and the stench of your armpit provides enough comfort to motivate you out of bed.

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Redefined low point after witnessing a conversation in an american apparel between three 'men' regarding the varying snugness of extra small and small underwear, followed by one man asking if the underwear could be 'held' until tomorrow when he'd have the money to purchase them.

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Sam Pink's blog is like a really long tuba solo.

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Fox hit television show called 'shitheads with opinions.'

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People who think geico commercials are humorous/amusing/cute.

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The next junior narcissist to blurt out their age as if it's a truly amazing accomplishment is getting soccer kicked in their dumb toddler face.

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Erectile dysfunction caused by the greased lips of a woman eating a mcrib.

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Coming to understand that if a woman doesn't flagrantly say 'let's fuck' i'll never know she's hitting on me.

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People who flail their arms and scream when a honey bee flys by because they saw someone else react that way, once.

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In the 21st century, nobody wants to invest more than .3 seconds into anything other than ego satiation.

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The myth of college education.

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Strong urge to make an indie porn of a female version of the three stooges.

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Dream in which you're knife fighting with a blade that won't cut; but stay resolved and continue hacking away.

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Rich kids named 'waylon.'

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The constant feeling of falling backwards while watching balloons float skywards.

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Interrogation as flirtation.

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Strong urge to bury a naked woman in piss-soaked tortillas.

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Erectile dysfunction caused by a woman using the term 'delish.'

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An aggressive twitch as a form of greeting.

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'Weekend at Bernies' remake called 'Weekend at Roggenbuck's' starring steve roggenbuck as bernie, stephen tully dierks as larry, tao lin as richard, and hieko julian as kid with the pail and shovel.

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Government mandated reading of all your dumb tweets at your funeral so everyone can see just how shameful of a trite existence you lived.

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Alternate reality where people participating in a conga line are immediately euthanized by robots in a very violent, disturbing way.

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A 9-year-old girl is on the fast track to being a horrible turd when she's already wearing riding boots and aviator sunglasses at the super market.

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Alternate reality where a law exists preventing doctors from prescribing adderall to fucking morons.

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Current trend of young males styling their hair as if they're some sort of scottish warrior despite the fact that their biggest fight in life was whining to mommy for a new meaningless object they didn't need and most likely  never used.

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That buttershit feeling that happens when a woman with a heavy accent says, 'mister <your first name >'.

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'Mister America' pageant where ceo's of fortune 500 corporations are judged for competency in four categories: speedo competition, evasive tax maneuvering, business acumen on the golf course and 'how I plan to enslave human beings while creatively destroying the earth' speech making.

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Alienating people by honestly talking about past traumas in the same tone as describing the last bowl of cereal you ate.

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Being determined to die during sex.

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The joy of au gratin.

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People who think an appropriate way of responding to an earnest compliment is by rapid firing back a disingenuous compliment.

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The immense power that comes from walking in the rain unafraid.

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Trend of affluent people to dress as if they're indigenous to nature while never living outside of 70+, central-air-conditioned man-made buildings.

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People who've never spent the night on the floor/ground without a blanket and think they're prepared for what death's bringing to the party.

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