The intense hostility felt after seeing any television commercial.
New game called 'what stupid shit can I turn into a sex toy' that's played in museum gift shops.
Find it easier to respect a pomeranian with a bowl cut than any man with a groomed beard.
Life like an all-you-can eat chinese buffet that only stocks water chestnuts.
Intelligence is the mouth breathing cousin of imagination.
The near erotic experience that's found by inhaling the fragrance of frying chorizo from an unseen kitchen on a cold winter day.
Intense alienation that comes from observing a group of people over a long period of time and realizing there's no laughter, only gossip and bragging.
Love like a malfunctioning venus fly trap.
Existential despair like a censored NWA album.
Pick-up line consisting of circling the point of a knife around a belly button while ear-whispering 'what's your sign, little girl?'
The naked aggression that blossoms every time I hear a white person refer to their circle of friends as a 'tribe.'
Existential despair like the bottomless breadsticks at olive garden.
Almost dying in a car accident and immediately thinking 'damn, next time!'
Standing underneath a tree during a rain storm and envisioning your disembodied head floating slowly through the black universe.
Overwhelming alienation that happens more intensely while alone, then when in the shadow of another.
Feeling the most lonely while in the company of a parent.
The unsolved mystery of why dogs have huge mouths and tiny assholes.
Bouquet of daisies with a card that says 'you fucking suck'.
Life like fish farts in an chinese restaurant aquarium.
Much love to the person that provided an example of unconditional love for me to learn by. Without you, I'd have never made it this far or this strong.
Plucking a blown kiss from the air, clutching it against your heart, then frantically running underneath the moving wheels of a freightliner.
Using the ceiling like a blanket and sleeping through the loneliness.
Having just enough remaining intelligence to realize how intelligent you used to be.
Seeing a pair of shoes hanging from a power line and thinking, 'if only I could get my neck up there.'
A superhero like immunity to jealousy that's tied to the belief that every person would ultimately be better without you.
The body as a suit of armor, but instead of protecting you, it just laughs.
Flying a kite by attaching a string around your torso and jumping off a roof.
The days when you ditched school to avoid bullies and wandered to unknown parts of the city, then as an adult, realizing those are the only days worth remembering.
Being productive only during times of intense sadness.
Life like a probation officer fingering his nostril on a monday afternoon.
Never feeling accomplished by anything except the few times stuffed animals were rescued with a motorized claw.
Speeding into a tunnel with the hope that you'll never exit out.
Death like a 1970's microwave cookbook from betty crocker.
Life like a cockroach choking to death on the dead skin of a freshly exfoliated foot.
The mental battle that comes whenever a knife is picked up and the strong urge to plunge it into your soft throat materializes.
Boomerang beheadings are making a comeback.
Stock reply for anyone being bombastic or excited where I grin wildly and say 'I'm happy you're happy for your meaningless achievement.'
The weightless feeling that comes after an intense wave of sadness breaks.
The completely justified hatred of bank tellers.